It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
