Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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