My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
