I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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