Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
