They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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