Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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