i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
