imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
