I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
