i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
