This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
