don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
