it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
