everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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