All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
