youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
