I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
