I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
