I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
