just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
