He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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