honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
