You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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