I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
