He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
