I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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