Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You ruined the universe
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
