Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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