I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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