K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
