the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
