I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
