I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
