does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
