More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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