Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
