Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
