i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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