dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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