just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
