you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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