Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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