Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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