Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
