I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
