Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
