Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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