life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
