Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
