I could make wine with my vomit
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
